“Whether you’re looking for romance, sexual pleasure, a relationship, love or all four, disability shouldn’t stop you from enjoying the joys sex and relationships,” says Tuppy Owens, a sex therapist. She gives advice in relation to dating, relationships, and sex for a person with a disability.
“Be open about your feelings and desires and don’t hide who you are. Becoming confident, in life and sexually, is key.”
Tuppy’s first piece of advice for dating is to remember that chemistry does not discriminate and is not prejudice against anyone. Dating is about the connection you have with someone not about what your body can and cannot do.
Tuppy states she has found many people with disabilities date other people with disabilities because there are similarities and aspects of life each partner can relate to. “Whilst being disabled doesn’t guarantee non-arsehole behaviour, shared experiences (such as talking together about dealing with carers or laughing about incontinence) can make the dating game more fun and much easier,” she says.
Tuppy states to not let yourself get caught up in the idea that you cannot have sex like other people. She suggests having goal free sex where the aim is not to achieve intercourse or orgasm but rather enjoying your body and the pleasure of touch by fingers, lips, tongue, and hearing each other’s voices. “Disability forces you to communicate with a partner, and this is one of the most important ingredients that go into having a good sex life,” says Tuppy. Sex is not always an easy topic to discuss, but private communication between partners is essential.
Don't be afraid to experiment with sex toys. There's a variety of kinds available to help enhance your experience. If you are not the relationship type, Tuppy recommends hiring sexual services.
“Whether you’re disabled or not, we all have different desires, and this includes sexuality.”
Problems That May Occur
The first problem that Tuppy writes about is disapproval from your personal assistant and/or parents. If this happens Tuppy suggests having an open discussion with them. “It may be a very awkward conversation to have, but you have as much right to a personal life as any other human being,” she says.
Spasms could be another problem that could happen during sexual intercourse. Tuppy states, “Spasms can make sex impossible, so the first port of call is to ask your doctor for advice on their management.” Ultimately, Tuppy says, if spasms occur, you just have to find a way around them. She gives some examples in her original article.
“It’s about being inventive and working around, or with, your disability.”
If you tire easily, Tuppy suggests letting your partner do the more exhausting things. “It doesn’t matter which gender does what, who does what, so long as both are happy with what’s going on.”
Tuppy’s last piece of advice is to live life for the moment and live it to the fullest!
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